And so I turn around

You know, alot has happened over the past few weeks that I really dont know how to begin, other than for the ppl who know me best, things are going to be ok. I have been going through a lot of different things over the past few years, and just last night, I realized that I have been away from my TKD school for just as long now as I have was training there regularily. It has been an emotional ride this week, especially knowing that some of my family tested last night for a new rank in TKD, along with that, that someone also just recently go married. Not to say the least it feels like that everytime I go on facebook, some1 I used to know is either getting married, is having a kid, has kids and just go married or is having another kid. Which in itself is great for them and Im naturally and sincerly happy for them, it just reminds me on how empty I have become.

When I say empty, I mean a empty field, a field that was just full, lushful, and more then eager to share all the fruits of fields and then it was burnt, decimated, destroyed abandonded. There has been no amount of rain from any vineyard, brewery or distrellery that has been able to washout out the bloodstains, the burn marks, the scratches, the pits of fire. Even the immediate hard plentifulls of raw work and excercises didnt do the trick, nor the literary or the philosophical advice on how to replant a garden has worked. It just became an abandend field of emptyness.

However, for some reason, wether it be realizations, time and recent events, it has become such a thing that for just some divine reason, things are starting to sprout up. Although in the past there were potentials of good fruit, some turned out to be just visions, other weeds and otheres, well... u can imagine. Anyways, now it will take time, lots of it, and work, alot more of that, but we'll see how well the field will grow and how many rocks I will have to destroy, how many weeds will sprout up and how much poison will come in from other sources, but if history shows that there was once a good field, there is no reason why there can be an awesome field again.